To my younger self, I'm writing you from 2012.
It's not high school that is killing me, it's my mental health.
Know you struggle now but brace yourself for these few years of hell.
You'll paint a smile every day but every night, you'll pray for help.
Wish there was something that I could do to save you from what's coming.
You might be a soldier, but know that your demons built an army.
And they're taking over now, all I see through my tears is black.
Tell mom and dad I love them, but I have to go, no turning back.
And I know that your heart is aching.
I know that you don't know why.
And you can't stop your hands from shaking.
Now you want to die.
If I could tell you everything I know now.
I'd tell you that the darkness always fades out.
In the end, the light will emerge with no doubt.
You just gotta keep going, baby, don't back down...
Throughout primary school and high school, I've always been a top student.
Always coming up on top in everything.
The year was 2019 when I started varsity.
I was excited because I didn't know what was to come.
I went through an academic downfall.
I lost myself because I didn't know who I was without my grades.
This continued for three years.
On my final year, it started to mess with my mental health because my future was at stake.
I'm writing this in 2025, I finised my degree in record time, fininished my internship and my community service.
I am a qualified Pharmacist, and studying towards becoming a software developer.
And so far, it has been great.
If I could go back and talk to my 2019-2022 self.
I would tell her,
"I know that your heart is aching.
I know that you don't know why.
And you can't stop your hands from shaking.
Now you want to die.
If I could tell you everything I know now.
I'd tell you that the darkness always fades out.
In the end, the light will emerge with no doubt.
You just gotta keep going, baby, don't back down..."
If you're reading this with a heavy heart.
Know this, it does get better and the light will emerge.
💮 This is for you. 💮
Love, Saneh 🤍
